Memories of Dinner at Grandma's

I come from a large extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins.  On most Sundays and many holidays when I was a little girl, we would gather at my grandmother's for dinner.  Grandma would spend all day Saturday, and Sunday morning, in the kitchen making homemade noodles,breads, rolls, cakes, puddings, along with roasts, chicken, mashed potatoes and vegetables - you name it - it would most likely be on the table for Sunday dinner.
Grandma didn't spend all this time making all this food because she was an overachiever, she made it to please her large family.  If a cousin didn't like potatoes, he or she would eat the noodles.  If a uncle was on a restricted diet and couldn't have beef, he ate chicken. If an aunt was allergic to chocolate, there was yellow cake for her to eat. As my mom always said: "If you left Grandma's house on Sunday evening hungry, it was your own fault."
This saying was passed on to my mom's house after she became a grandma.  When Mom hosted dinners for her family she always made sure that she cooked something that everyone liked.  For Jennifer, there was always green beans or a salad since she didn't like corn or peas.  At a cook-out, Mom always made a dish of scalloped potatoes for my husband, Leonard, since he didn't like macaroni or potato salad.  People could choose between regular and decaf coffee.  When my dad wasn't able to eat ham for Christmas Eve dinner, Mom made ham and chicken.  But what people talk about the most are Mom's pies.  Mom never made less than five different kinds of pies for Thanksgiving and my dad's birthday!  My girls always knew that the dinner table at their grandmas would have a dish of some kind that they liked to eat.
Now that I am a grandma (Gan), I understand my mother and grandmother's willingness to please their families and make sure that there is food on the table everyone likes to eat and can eat.  When we found out that Ben was allergic to dairy, I created ways (with Hollie's guidance) that he could sit down to meal and enjoy it as much as the other kids.  When I make macaroni and cheese, I take some of the macaroni and mix it with a butter substitute for Ben.  This happens to be one of Ben's favorite dishes at Gma's!  I also use the same butter substitute to bake cookies and muffins so Ben can enjoy them also. Amy's IBS acts up when she eats Italian or spicy dishes, so I try to be sure I make something for Amy that she likes and can eat.  Riley can't handle anything whipped such as Cool Whip or the cream in Ho-Ho's, but she loves "Papa's Favorite Cookies" (Vanilla Oreos).  Hollie is a vegetarian, which means that she and Ben do not eat any meat other than chicken or turkey.  The whole family loves turkey meatloaf now much better than meatloaf made with ground beef.  Cuppy cones are enjoyed by all the kids - Ben's ice cream just comes from a different carton just as Papa's ice cream usually comes from a different carton than Jennifer's or Gma's.  Birthdays are more special now because there are usually two cakes instead of one.  There are usually three kinds of butter or margarine on the table, various fruits and vegetables, etc.
In the past eight years my family has grown from five, to eight, to twelve.  Within the next year or so, I expect this number to increase by at least two or three more. I'm sure the list of special items will also grow. In my home,  family dinners are on Tuesday nights instead of Sunday afternoons. Christmas Eve dinner now includes ham and chicken, birthdays are celebrated with not just one, but two cakes, and the grandkids know that there will be special treats that they can ALL enjoy.  Just like my grandmother and mother, I enjoy cooking for my family, and I do the best I can to please everyone who sits at my table.
I hope that I can make as many happy memories for my grandchildren as my grandma did for me, and I hope they enjoy being a part of a large family as much as I did!
And Mom, I understand now why you always made so much food!




 

Teach Them to be Proud of "ME"

All I wanted to do was make Mommy happy, which seemed to be a hard thing for me to do. She always seemed to be upset with me for something; I didn’t make my bed the right way, I got in her way when she was cooking dinner, I walked home from school to slowly, I asked too many questions, I didn’t go to sleep when she put me to bed. I knew Mommy did not feel good because her back hurt her all the time, so I just wanted to do something to make her happy and proud of me. 

I thought making her a Valentine’s heart in her favorite color would make her happy. I asked Mommy what her favorite color was, and set to work coloring the heart. I worked slowly, coloring with little strokes, making sure the edges of the heart were even. I signed my name on the heart in my best printing, and excitedly handed it to her. 

Mommy cried. Then she got angry. Then she threw the card on the table and told me “thanks for letting me know I break your heart!” 

Mommy’s favorite color was blue. I didn’t know it then, and didn’t understand until many years later, that blue hearts meant broken hearts. 

But at seven years old – all I knew was Mommy’s favorite color was blue and I wanted to make her a heart in her favorite color. Once again, I had failed my mother.

I loved my mother dearly, but she had expectations that I just couldn't live up to. Mom saw life in black and white; I saw life as a rainbow of colors. Even though on most days she could barely move because of intense back pain, she still cleaned, cooked, did laundry, etc. And she did these chores within standards she set for herself, and expected me to follow. Towels folded a certain way, bedspreads tucked neatly under, then over pillows. Dishes were to be dried by towel, not left on the counter to air dry. When Mom was baking for a holiday, I was not allowed to help – she wanted it done her way. I was constantly afraid that I would do something wrong and become the focus of Mom’s Irish temper, or worse, she would take me for another long ride on one of her guilt trips.

As an adult, I understand that much of my mother’s need for perfection came from 1) learned behavior, 2) frustration from being in constant pain, and 3) emotional abuse she suffered from my father. Not long before Mom died, she asked me why I always felt like everything was my fault. Out of nowhere the image of that blue Valentine surfaced, and I realized that was where the feeling began. Yet, I didn’t have the courage to tell Mom this because it would open a Pandora’s Box of hurt feelings between both of us.   

Mothers nurture their babies in their wombs for nine months. When these tiny, innocent beings are placed in their mother’s arms for the first time, they only expect to be loved and cared for. By the time mothers hold their baby, they already have a long list of how this child is going to meet their expectations. It’s very sad that we try to turn these innocent little babies into clones of what we want them to be.

I’m not sure how my daughters grade me as a mother, but I’m certain that as moms themselves there are things I did or said to them that they have vowed not to do with their own children. However, I do know that my daughters are not afraid to talk to me, disagree with me, or follow their own path in life, whether I like it or not.  For this, I am proud, and feel good about the job I did as their mom.

It’s taken me a long time to be proud of myself, and I realized not too long ago that I wanted to instill the sense of being proud into my children and grandchildren’s mind. I now tell them, you should be proud of yourself for…because I believe that it is more important they learn to be proud of themselves then to worry about making others proud of them.

I say this constantly to my grandchildren, but last week for the first time, I said it to my daughter, Hollie, author of the blog, “Treehugging Redhead.”

[http://treehuggingredhead.blogspot.com] Hollie went on a ‘sugarless” diet for a month to see what it was like and wrote about it on her blog. Truthfully, this is not a challenge I would have taken on (the Ice Cream diet is more my speed) but this was Hollie, one of my three daughters that I pledged to make independent and creative. Hollie went through the whole month cutting out as much sugar as the food industry allows, and instead of writing “I’m proud of you” I wrote, “You should be very proud of yourself!”

I also want my oldest daughter, Jennifer, to be very proud of herself for handling two active toddlers with patience and grace.  And Amy, my youngest, who thought she would "kill" every flower she touched, be proud of yourself for growing such beautiful flowers in your front flower garden!

Sometime in life, we are going to run into people who will always find fault with what we do. Sadly, some of us will meet these people when we are children and they will be the people that we will try the hardest to please: parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. Hopefully these children will have a encouraging person in their lives who loves them unconditionally, and will not only tell the child how proud they are of the child’s accomplishments, but will also remind the child that, “You should be very proud of yourself!” 

55 Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 56

I write lists all the time - grocery lists, to-do lists, Christmas card and gift lists, I've even wrote a bucket list.  But I always seem to lose the lists I write and have to write them out again.  The other day while reading my daughter's blog of her 101 Things to do before...I can't remember when her deadline was...I came up with The "55 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 56" list.  To be sure I don't lose this list I decided to post it here on my blog.
Some items on my list may seem insignificant to others, but what follows is a list of what is important to ME. Enjoy and look for updates as I complete each item on my list!

Gan's Top 55 Things
1. Update this blog three days a week for a whole year.  I figure if I do it for a year then the habit of blogging will be in my blood!

2. Attend a weekend Writers Retreat.  I hear such great comments about these retreats that it's time for me enjoy one for myself!

3. Lose 25 pounds.  No explanation needed.

4. Become a paid writer.  My goal, my dream.  It's time to make it come true.

5. Spend a weekend in DC.  Can you believe I've never been to our nation's Capital??

6. Finish Hollie's afghan.  I promised Hollie a crocheted afghan when she went away to college, when she graduated college, when she and Mikey married, for her 30th birthday.  Somehow, someway, my daughter is getting her afghan before my 56th birthday!

7. Write a novel.  Okay, maybe not a complete novel...how 'bout a novella?

8. Help build a house with Habitat for Humanity.  Helping people and working with my hands - Awesome!

9. Start going church every Sunday. Someplace where I can communicate with the "Big Guy" and not feel that every move I make and every thought I have is going to send me to Hell.

10. Land a permanent job.  I love the job I have now, but it's only temporary.

11. Have each grandchild spend the weekend at Papa/Gan's alone.  

12. Repaint our bedroom.  The feather-painted walls have lost their shine.

13. Have a whole weekend with nothing to do!  I can hear my children laughing at this one!

14. Fill every page in a journal.  I own so many journals that I could open my own Journal Shop!

15. Have a garage sale and get rid of all the stuff we no longer use.  

16. Put a blanket on the lawn and sit and gaze at the sky for hours.  Or at least until I fall asleep!

17. Go on a picnic in the Metro Parks.  Every summer I say that we are going to pack dinner and spend the evening in the park, but before I know it summer is gone.

18. Take the grandkids sled riding.

19. Spend a week at Virginia Beach with the whole family.  Well, if the whole family can't, I'm going!!

20. Visit the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.  Went when it first opened but haven't been back since.

21. Find a Yoga class and go every week.

22. Teach my granddaughters yoga.

23. Meditate once a day.

24. Spend a weekend in Pennsylvania visiting all the places I lived or stayed and take pictures.

25. Complete a scrapbook for each grandchild.

26. Organize all the family photos.  And there are a lot!

27. Make Taco Salad for Wednesday night dinner at Papa/Gan's.  Zach is waiting patiently for this meal!

28. Have a family portrait taken.  I really do need the whole family to cooperate for this one!

29. Go on an all day motorcycle ride with Papa.

30. Take a walk in the snow with all the grandkids.  

31. Spend 30 minutes every day writing for a whole year. (See # 1)
32. Spend an afternoon in the Metro Parks taking photos with my "old-fashion" 35mm camera.
33. Take my laptop to a coffee shop and write stories about the customers.  I will leave Papa at home - he gets embarrassed when I people-watch!
34. Spend a holiday serving food at a soup kitchen.
35. Join a writers society.
36. Spend a summer evening at Coventry.  For those who are not from Cleveland, Coventry is home to a wonderful community of artists!
37. Take the grandkids to Great Lakes Science Museum.
38. Watch all of "Gone With the Wind" in one evening.  I've seen the whole movie - just not straight through!
39. Write my "farewell" letters to my family.  Maybe a bit morbid, but something I want to do!
40. Go roller skating.  So what's a few more broken bones?
41. Extend the front porch.  Need room for another rocker!
42. Adopt a puppy.  (I can hear Papa yelling now!)
43. Dance in the rain with my grandkids.  EVERYONE should dance in the rain with their kids or grandkids once in their life!
44. Eat lobster.  I've never ate lobster and think I should try it at least once in this life!
45. Learn Spanish.
46. Design a website from scratch.
47. Sing Karaoke.  Well, at least here at home with the grandkids!
48. See the War end.
49. See the oil leak in the Gulf capped.
50. Watch the sunrise with my granddaughters. (Actually, I think I've done this already but was too sleepy to notice!)
51. Learn to knit.  Maybe I will finish projects faster working with two needles!
52. Stay Healthy!
53. Fingerpaint.  You know, I don't think I ever fingerpainted as a child!
54. Find my center.
55. Complete all of the above.

Grandma's Soup!

My mom loved to cook for her family and friends.  When I was in high school I could smell her homemade bread and cinnamon rolls baking before I even reached the door.  Her pies, especially her banana and coconut cream pies, were often requested by members of her church for church functions. When you visited Mom's at Thanksgiving and Christmas you knew you wouldn't leave the house empty-handed, Mom would always have a tin of cookies, nut rolls, or a whole pie for you to take home!
When Mom passed-on five years ago I inherited her "cookbook," a steno book filled with her recipes. However, I found out very quickly that inheriting the cookbook did not make me the awesome cook and baker that Mom was!  And I also found out that one of my favorite dishes of hers - homemade vegetable soup - was not written down in her cookbook!
Mom would make homemade soup and bread at the end of January as a birthday treat for my daughter, Amy and me.  Mom made enough soup and bread to give to the whole family: Aunt Dee, Cousin Sheila and her husband, Mike, my brother David, all three of my daughters as well as Leonard and me.  Even after giving each of us large Tupperware bowls of soup there would still be enough left over for Mom and Dad and to share with friends that might stop by.  Mom always made at least ten loaves of homemade bread, not the frozen bread dough homemade bread, or the bread machine homemade bread, but homemade that she mixed, kneaded, shaped and baked from scratch!
After Mom's funeral I found a bowl of soup frozen in the freezer.  I defrosted the soup and heated it up for dinner one winter evening, noting what the ingredients were.  For the past four years after Christmas I have tried in vain to make what is now known as "Grandma's Soup," but according to my family, my version is just not the same.  "Too tomato-ee" my husband announces, buttering a slice of homemade bread (courtesy of Rhodes Frozen Bread Dough), "There's something missing, mom, it's not as good as Grandma's" Amy tells me bluntly.
I discuss my trials with making the soup with my cousin Sheila.  "Tomato juice, beef, and vegetables," she tells me.  Did that.
 I call Auntie Carol.  "I add a handful of lima beans and use rice, and I buy the bread from the bakery."
"Do you have a recipe for the soup written down anywhere?  Did Grandma Bennett write it her cookbook" (Auntie Carol has Grandma Bennett's steno cookbook - guess the steno books were popular with my family!)?
"No.  She had the ingredients memorized."
"Auntie Carol, PLEASE send me an e-mail with your recipe for Soup!"
So earlier this week I received an e-mail from Auntie Carol with a list of ingredients and instructions on how she makes the soup.  Yesterday, following her instructions exactly, I made "Grandma's Soup."
"Too tomato-ee," my husband says, buttering a slice of bread."
Personally, I thought it was pretty tasty soup!

Grandma's Soup Recipe
Handful of dry lima beans and cut-up hunks of beef.  Cook in water for about an hour to hour and a half.
Next add salt and pepper, 3/4 package of baby carrots and a half a head of cabbage cut up fine.  Cook for 1/2 hour.
Add 4 cut-up potatoes, cook for another 1/2 hour.  Add 1/4 cup rice or alphabet noodles and a can of tomato juice.  Add any other vegetables you desire - corn, peas, green beans, zucchini, etc.
Let simmer for as long as you like (all day is best). Add more water as needed.
(Recipe courtesy of Auntie Carol Brenzy)

Note: If you are not a beef eater, try making the soup with chicken!

For Rhodes Frozen Bread Dough visit http://www.rhodesbread.com/

Crochet.Gan

      In the past two months I have crocheted six hats - one for Riley, one for Ben, one for Connor, and three for Chloe. Why three hats for Chloe? Well… the first two didn't fit her pretty little head!  

     I'm still not sure what the problem was, or even if the third hat fits her (I just finished hat #3 last night). I crocheted Chloe's hat with the same size crochet needle, used the same number of stitches, and used a single crocheted stitch as Connor's hat. The difference came in the type of yarn - for Chloe's first two hats I used Red Heart's Classic™ - the same yarn I used for Riley and Ben's hat but for Connor's I used Lion Brand Wool-Ease^® Yarn. Although both yarns are a # 4 weight and
are two of my favorite yarns to work with, Wool-Ease^® seems a little more flaccid than Red Heart’s Classic™.

     Next on my “To-Do” list of items to crochet are hats for the big kids, drink coasters for my hubby, Amy’s birthday gift, and Hollie’s afghan that she was to receive when she graduated college in 2002!

Chloe's hat - Number 3!

Yarns:

Basic Hat -  Lion Brand Wool Ease in Blush Heather

Brim and Pom-Pom - Red Heart Soft Yarn in Chocolate

Pattern: Lion Brand Birthday Baby Pocket Cardigan and Hat.

http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/chs-babyPocketCardiganAndHat.html